When the Going Gets Tough…

Make a list.

It’s been about 3 weeks since Cole’s departure and things have been all over the place in both bad and good ways.

For starters, I’ll tell you about the bad because I personally prefer bad news first:

  1. I’m working way too much — almost to the point of complete exhaustion, every day.
  2. My bad days have a whole new spin on them — so, they’re more like ABSOULTEY TERRIBLE days.
  3. I’ve started putting myself last on my list of things/priorities to take care of in many situations.
  4. I’ve become slightly unhinged in the department of organization and it’s showing.
  5. My golden list of goals have fallen to the wayside a bit, as I’m trying to balance newfound responsibilities and obligations.

But then there’s the good, too:

  1. I’ve started exercising more frequently and I love it! (even though it means my mornings begins at 4am each day)
  2. My eating habits have improved so much and it shows! ( I love you, quinoa)
  3. I am actively pushing myself to get out and do more/play a bit outside of my comfort zone.
  4. I’m learning that it’s okay to ask for help and reach out to others when I sincerely need to.
  5. I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that he’s not coming home for the next 5 and a half months, and it’s up to me how I spend that time.
  6. Vacuuming while playing loud music is kind of like squeezing a stress ball for me.
  7. I slept with the light off in my bedroom for the first time, last night.

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And with that being said, I know that I’m beginning to honestly understand that both the good and bad days are God’s way of helping me learn to balance what is being placed into my life.
I’ve given myself a list of things to not only actively focus on working on, but I have also given myself a list of things to celebrate. If anything at all, I know that I have many more life events to prepare for and look forward to, and that gives me hope.

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So, as we transition into the end of summer and beginning of autumn, I’ll be here adjusting my perspective of how I am viewing this loss of time with Cole, as instead a gain of time with myself, family and friends. And while it most certainly won’t be an immediately change, it is a start, right?

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