15 Warning Signs Your Friend May Be a ‘Frenemy’

Frenemy — it’s a silly word for a not-so-silly situation. Imagine if your friend, someone you loved and confided in, actually had it in for you. Sure, she’d put on a good face when you were around, but underneath, she was seething with hatred, bitterness, and resentment.

It’s hard enough to be hated, but when you’re hated by someone you trusted, it’s a nightmare. The betrayal will cut you to the core.

Which is why you need to protect yourself before you give too much to someone, only to be stabbed in the back later. Here are some telltale signs your friend is really a frenemy (cue the scary music!)

In this age of mean girls finding real friends can be hard. Plus, as we get older it gets harder and harder to maintain friendship with women. Why is it so hard? I’m not here to answer that, but I’m here to give you a few tips on how to spot a frenemy and how to NOT treat your real friends.


1) When your “friend” needs you, she’s all over you, but the moment you need something — a shoulder, a meal, a confidant — she’s never there.

2) Your gut. Your gut tells you that you should not, under any circumstances, trust this person. But you can’t pinpoint why.

3) Most comments your “friend” makes about you are underhanded jabs, leaving you feeling worse about yourself than ever.

4) She can’t be happy for you when things are going well but seems almost gleeful when things are going badly. Whenever something good happens — a raise, new career, a new love — your frenemy downplays it or makes it sound like a fluke.

5) You realize all your conversations with this person revolve solely around her: her problems, her life, anything but what’s going on with you.

6) You find out that your frenemy is talking trash about you behind your back.


7) Many of her social media updates involve veiled insults about you or another friend — and any time you post something, she’s always finding a way to make fun of you and be cruel.




8) You start to notice that whenever you talk to your “friend,” you’re walking on eggshells, never able to say how you truly feel … because you don’t want to piss her off.

9) Rather than giving you the benefit of the doubt and assuming the best about your intentions, she takes a lot of things you say or do personally, even when they’re unrelated to how you feel about her. And that elicits a horrible reaction directed at you.

10) She talks to you like you’re a small, stupid child.



11) She never bothers to return your calls, emails, or texts … unless she needs something from you.

12) Your “friend” completely ignores your needs, whether they’re food allergies or burnout on playing wing-man at the bar. It’s all about her all the time.

13) A frenemy will spend an awful lot of time criticizing you. From your haircut (makes your face look round) to your breakup (he’s probably found someone better), she never seems to take your side.

14) She’s insensitive. If you’re struggling with divorce or kids, she’ll give you tons of advice, all of it biting and about how wrong YOU are for your choices.

15) Any news shared with your “friend” makes you doubt yourself. If you’ve lost five pounds, she’s quick to point out you better lose more before your boyfriend/husband takes off for skinnier pastures.

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